Ep35. Can You Let Go of a ‘Perfect’ Christmas?
- Nina Visic
- Dec 17, 2025
- 18 min read
Christmas can feel like a pressure cooker of expectations, logistics and emotions. In this episode, Nina gently invites you to let go of perfect Christmas ideals and let go of perfect Christmas checklists, so you can focus on presence, connection and a calmer nervous system instead.
You'll Learn
Why the invisible load of Christmas feels so intense.
How different families “do” Christmas and make peace with your version.
Ways to stay flexible with naps, sugar and routines (without guilt).
Simple roles kids can play so it’s not all on you.
How to move from Christmas into the school holidays more calmly.
Why This Episode Matters
When you’re already overwhelmed, it’s easy to believe you’re ruining Christmas. This episode reminds you that your children need you present, not perfect – and that a messy, real day can still be deeply good.
Take Home Action
Choose one way you’re going to make Christmas kinder on your nervous system.
Journal Prompts and Reflections
If my child remembered one small moment from this Christmas, what would I love that to be?
Before Christmas Day, ask yourself:
What is the bare minimum version of this day that would still feel like Christmas to me?
Maybe that’s:
One special breakfast.
A couple of presents.
Time outside or at the beach.
A simple meal together.
Either later that night, or the next day, you might sit with a cuppa and gently ask yourself:
What actually went well today?
Where did I feel most connected to my kids?
Where did I lose it?
If I could change one small thing for next year, what would it be?
Take the Next Step
Complete the prompts above to help you design a version of Christmas that feels calm, connected and realistic for your family.
Download your free Christmas Planner to set calm intentions, map December and take some pressure off your brain.
For support beyond Christmas, watch the on-demand Calm School Holidays Blueprint masterclass.
Links and Resources
Get your free Christmas Planner
Grab the Calm School Holidays Blueprint, only $37
Let’s Connect
Want more support? Follow Nina on Instagram, or sign up for tips and updates at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au.
Have a question or parenting challenge you'd like addressed on the podcast? Send a DM or an email.
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Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au
About the Host
Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and mum who helps parents move from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident and connected with their kids.
She combines mindfulness, emotional regulation tools and down-to-earth strategies that work in real homes with real children.
Christmas is a particular passion for Nina, because she knows how easily the season can amplify stress, guilt and pressure.
Through her podcast, workshops and resources like the Christmas Planner and Calm School Holidays Blueprint, she supports parents to create holidays that feel grounded in presence and connection, not perfection.
Transcript
This transcript has been copied and pasted but not proofread or edited, so it may contain errors or inaccuracies.
Intro
You're listening to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum, here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids.
This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Because small shifts make a big impact—and you can build the parenting life you’ve always wanted.
If you want to see what I’m up to, follow me on Instagram at [your handle]. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Now, let’s get started!
Script
“Hello lovely, and welcome back to ‘Your Calm Parenting Path’.
Today we’re talking about something that can bring out the absolute best and the absolute worst in us as parents: Christmas.”
[Pause]
“Now, you might be listening to this while you’re wrapping presents on the lounge-room floor, or on your way to yet another end-of-year thing, or maybe you’ve snuck away with a cuppa for ten quiet minutes. Wherever you are, I see you.
Christmas can be beautiful. It can also be a complete pressure cooker.
There’s the planning, the presents, the money, the expectations from extended family, the sugar, the late nights, the Santa questions, the logistics of who goes where and when… plus trying to keep everyone reasonably happy and not completely losing your cool in the process.
So, in this episode, I want to help you bring it back to what matters most: presence over perfection. Connection over performance. A Christmas that feels a little calmer in your actual, real life – not the one on social media.”
“In this episode we’re going to explore:
Why Christmas feels so big and overwhelming for many parents.
Different ways families do Christmas – split days, blended families, FIFO, just the immediate crew – and how to make peace with your version.
Letting go of the ‘perfect day’ and focusing on being present, even if the naps are skipped and the chocolate intake is… generous.
Some gentle ideas for keeping the Santa and Christmas spirit alive, in a way that fits your values.
Simple ways your kids can genuinely help on the day.
And then, how to glide from Christmas into the rest of the school holidays, without completely burning out.
And to support you with all of that, I’ve created a free Christmas Planner that you can download and print. It’s designed to get all those mental load bits out of your head and onto paper, so you can breathe a bit easier.
You’ll find the link in the show notes.”
The invisible load of Christmas
“Let’s start with something that doesn’t get talked about enough: the invisible load of Christmas.
If you feel more stressed, more snappy, more overwhelmed in December, there is a reason.
All year you’re already carrying that mental spreadsheet of:‘Who needs clean uniforms?’‘Whose lunchbox is where?’‘What’s for dinner?’‘When was the last time anyone washed a sheet?’
Then December comes along and suddenly you’re also thinking:‘Have I organised teacher gifts?’‘Who’s bringing the salad on Christmas Day?’‘Did we buy a present for that second cousin’s new baby?’‘Where are the stockings?’‘Did I move the elf?’‘Have I replied to that family group chat?’
It is a lot.
On top of that, there’s the emotional load.
Maybe there’s grief around people who are no longer here.
Maybe you’re navigating separated or blended families.
Maybe you’re co-parenting and trying to work out ‘who has the kids when’.
Maybe money is tight this year and the pressure to ‘make it magical’ feels heavier.
None of that is small.
So, if you’re already noticing your fuse is a bit shorter, your shoulders are a bit higher, I just want to say: you are not failing. The conditions are harder.
When we can name that, we’re more likely to bring some compassion in, rather than sitting in secret shame thinking, ‘Everyone else is loving this and I’m a Grinch.’”
“If it’s safe to do so, maybe just take a breath with me here.
Inhale deeply through your nose…Slow exhale out your mouth…And just quietly say to yourself: ‘Of course it feels big. There’s a lot on my plate.’
That’s not self-pity. That’s honesty.”
Presence over perfection – what kids actually remember.
“Now, I want to bring us to the big theme of this episode: presence over perfection.
We have this picture in our heads of the ‘perfect’ Christmas:
Everyone in matching outfits.
Nobody crying.
The food comes out hot, all at the same time.
No one argues about politics or who left the gate open.
The children take turns opening presents in an orderly fashion, saying ‘thank you’ without being prompted.
If that has ever happened in your house, please write a book.”
“When I look back at my own childhood, the things I remember most clearly are never the ‘perfect’ bits. I remember:
The excitement of waking up on Christmas morning with my brothers to check if our stockings were filled.
Spending a lazy morning eating chocolate with my weetbix with paper sprawled all over the floor.
Wearing the Christmas cracker hats all day long.
The feeling of being allowed to stay up later than usual.
Watching the Snowman on the video player and being in awe of this magical snow filled Christmas.
I do not remember whether the table was styled beautifully or if the pudding came out on time.
And I hope my kids are the same. They remember how the day felt: Did I feel seen? Was there a moment where Mum or Dad actually looked at me and smiled and weren’t rushing? Did we have a moment of fun, or tenderness, or connection?
So, if Christmas Day ends up being a mixture of lovely moments and messy ones, that is absolutely normal.
You don’t have to nail every detail. You don’t have to be endlessly patient. You just have to keep coming back to: ‘How can I be present for a few tiny pockets in this big, busy day?’”
“Maybe you pause here and gently ask yourself: ‘If my child remembered one small moment from this Christmas, what would I love that to be?’
It might be cuddling on the couch watching a Christmas film. It might be an early morning unwrapping one special present before the chaos starts. It might be jumping in the pool together instead of doing one extra load of dishes.
That vision can become your north star.”
The many ways families do Christmas.
“Let’s talk about the different shapes Christmas can take, because your version might look very different from what you see online.
Some families:
Spend half the day with one side of the family and half with the other.
Rotate years – one Christmas here, one Christmas there.
Have everyone descend on one family member’s house, every year, like clockwork.
Keep it small – just immediate family at home.
Have people missing because of FIFO work, or because they live interstate or overseas.
Are managing shared care arrangements, so the kids might be with you for part of the day and with their other parent for the rest.
For us we celebrate Christmas twice – once on the 25th with the traditions of my upbringing, and once on the 7th of January for Serbian Orthodox Christmas, following the traditions of my husband.
Sometimes there is tension baked into the logistics before you even start. You might be:
Packing bags, food, presents, kids into the car for a long drive.
Trying not to offend anyone with where you choose to go first.
Navigating nap times in other people’s houses.
Saying goodbye to your children midway through the day and trying to hold your emotions together.
So, I just want to name that too: your Christmas might be joyful and complicated. It might be special and bittersweet.
If you’re doing split days – morning at one place, afternoon at another – it can help to ask: ‘Where can we build in a tiny pause?’
Maybe that’s:
Ten minutes at home before you leave, where you all sit together and open one present or have a cuddle and a snack.
Five minutes in the car with some deep breaths before you walk into the next house.
Agreeing as a couple on a code word that means: ‘I need a breather; can you take over for a bit?’
If you’re doing Christmas mostly on your own as the default parent, or your partner is FIFO and away, please hear this: you are not giving your kids a ‘less than’ Christmas.
You are giving them your version of Christmas.
It might look like:
Sausage rolls on the couch instead of a big roast.
Facetiming Dad or Mum from the backyard.
A slower day with more pyjamas and less driving.
In fact, if we spend Aussie Christmas with no visitors my main rule for the family is that you wear either bathers or pyjamas for the whole day!
That can be incredibly special.
And if you’re in a season where the emotional side is heavy – maybe there’s grief, or estrangement, or a relationship breakdown – it is OK to simplify. You don’t owe anyone a performance of a ‘perfect’ Christmas when your heart is already doing a lot.
You are allowed to say:‘We’re keeping it small this year.’or‘We’re going to do lunch, but we won’t be staying into the evening.’”
When the nap is missed and the chocolate is flowing
“While we’re talking about real life, let’s go straight to two big triggers for a lot of parents on Christmas Day: sleep and sugar.
The first time my eldest child went without a nap for the first time was on Christmas Day and I was freaking out! Luckily, I had a wise sister-in-law who told me just chill and let it go.
You might have a child who really thrives on their routine. Maybe you’ve worked hard on naps, bedtimes, rhythms. And along comes Christmas with:
A late start.
A car nap instead of a proper one.
Lunch at two o’clock.
Dessert at three.
Chocolate at… well, chocolate at all the times.
And your nervous system is quietly screaming:
‘This is all going to backfire. They’re going to be feral. The bedtime is ruined. Why did we say yes to this?’
Firstly: that reaction makes sense. You’ve likely spent months, maybe years, learning what helps your child stay regulated. Watching all of that fly out the window in one day feels really uncomfortable.
But here’s the reframe I want to offer you:
One day of less-than-ideal food and sleep will not undo all the work you’ve done.
It might mean:
They are more dysregulated that evening.
Bedtime is later and messier.
There are more tears and more arguments.
That’s not because you are a bad parent, or because you ‘let’ them have chocolate. It’s because Christmas is overstimulating.
You can decide ahead of time: ‘I’m going to be flexible today. I will hold some boundaries, but I’m not going to chase perfection.’
For example, you might choose:
‘I’m OK with extra chocolate today, but we’ll have some protein at lunch and plenty of water.’
‘If the nap doesn’t happen, we’ll aim for an earlier quiet time in a dark room later, or an early-ish bedtime.’
‘I’m not going to spend the whole day policing every lolly. If it gets too much, I’ll step in, but I’m not going to narrate every bite.’
And this part is important: try not to shame yourself or your child afterwards.
Instead of:‘Well, you were a nightmare because you didn’t sleep and you ate too much sugar.’
You might say:‘Wow, today was a really big day for your body – lots of excitement, lots of treats, not much rest. No wonder everything felt a bit harder. Tomorrow we’ll have a quiet day to help your body catch up.’
That is emotional intelligence. You’re helping your child notice the link between what they do and how they feel, without making it moral or shameful.
And you’re also reminding yourself that a wobbly Christmas bedtime does not mean you’ve ruined everything.”
Keeping your cool on Christmas Day – before, during, after
“Let’s talk about you now. How do you keep your cool, or at least find your way back to it, on a day that is designed to push all your buttons?
I like to think of it in three phases: before, during and after.
Before Christmas Day, ask yourself:
‘What is the bare minimum version of this day that would still feel like Christmas to me?’
Maybe that’s:
One special breakfast.
A couple of presents.
Time outside or at the beach.
A simple meal together.
Everything else – the elaborate table, the matching pyjamas, the handcrafted place cards – is optional. Beautiful if you enjoy it, but optional.
This is where your Christmas Planner can really help. There are pages where you can:
· Set your calm intentions and top priorities for the season, so you’re really clear on what you’re saying yes to (and what you’re letting go of).
· Lay out your December at a glance and use the weekly planner pages to see what’s happening when, instead of trying to hold it all in your head.
· Keep track of budgets, wish lists and gift plans, and even map out your calm holiday bucket list and mindful moments, so both the fun and the breathing space actually happen on purpose.”
When you see it on paper, you can more easily ask:‘Does this actually feel realistic? Or do I need to cut a few things?’
Then there’s during the day.
Here I want you to have two or three micro-tools you can use when you feel your fuse getting short.
It might be:
The bathroom or laundry breath: stepping out of the room, closing the door, and taking 10 slow breaths while you notice your feet on the floor.
A simple mantra such as: ‘Slow and kind is enough.’ or ‘One moment at a time.’
Drinking a glass of water and eating something with protein before you pour another glass of bubbles.
You might also want a couple of boundary phrases ready, for kids and for adults.
For children:
‘I won’t let you snatch your cousin’s toy. You can swap or take turns.’
‘You’re really excited and it’s hard to wait. We’re going to open presents slowly so we can enjoy them.’
For adults:
‘We’re just going to duck outside for a little breather.’
‘No more comments about how much she’s eating, thanks.’
‘We’re going to head off after dessert so the kids can get some rest.’
You don’t have to deliver these perfectly or calmly every single time. But having some words in your back pocket can make it easier to hold boundaries without exploding.
And then there’s after.
Either later that night, or the next day, you might sit with a cuppa and gently ask yourself:
‘What actually went well today?’
‘Where did I feel most connected to my kids?’
‘Where did I lose it?’
‘If I could change one small thing for next year, what would it be?’
The goal here is not to replay the whole day criticising yourself. The goal is to notice, with curiosity:‘Oh, that part at my sister’s house was really hard. Maybe next year we’ll drive separately so I can leave earlier if the kids are melting down.’
That’s how we grow without piling on more shame.”
Keeping the Santa and Christmas spirit alive (without fear or pressure)
“Let’s touch on the magic side for a moment – Santa and the whole Christmas spirit.
For some families, Santa is a big part of the excitement. For others, it’s more of a gentle story, or not part of their tradition at all. Whatever you choose is valid.
If Santa is part of your family culture and your child asks a tricky question like:‘Is Santa real?’
You might respond with curiosity:‘Ooh, that’s a big question. What do you think?’
And go from there.
Some parents like to say:‘In our family, we love the magic of pretending together. Santa is part of that magic.’
With older children who are starting to put the pieces together, you can invite them into the creating:‘Now that you’re older, you get to help us make the magic for the younger kids and for other people.’
What I would gently caution you about is using Santa as a surveillance system:‘Santa is watching.’‘If you don’t behave, Santa won’t come.’
It might work in the short term, but it can create anxiety and it sends the message that love and gifts are conditional.
Instead, you can bring it back to values:‘In our family, we try to be kind and respectful. How can we show that right now?’
If you want to nurture that Christmas spirit beyond presents, you might:
Let your child choose a small gift to donate.
Bake something for a neighbour.
Make simple cards for family members.
Talk about gratitude: ‘What are you really enjoying about this Christmas?’
That’s the kind of magic that lasts longer than any toy.”
Small ways kids can help on the day.
“Now, let’s talk about practical help. Because Christmas often defaults to one person – usually Mum – doing everything and then feeling resentful and exhausted by mid-afternoon.
Even young children can genuinely contribute, and it helps them feel like valued members of the team.
For toddlers and preschoolers:
Ask them to put napkins on the table.
Let them carry bonbons or non-breakable things.
Make them the ‘Christmas bin helper’ – their job is to collect wrapping paper in one big bag after presents. You might say: ‘Your special job is to help keep the floor clear, so no one trips.’
For early primary-aged kids:
Give them one simple food job, like arranging a fruit platter, putting biscuits on a plate, or buttering rolls.
Put them in charge of matching bonbons with people.
Ask them to help younger cousins open tricky packaging or put stickers on name tags.
For older kids:
Invite them to co-host: greeting people at the door, showing them where to put bags, offering them a drink.
Put them in charge of one game for the younger kids – maybe a treasure hunt, a backyard cricket game, or a simple quiz.
If you trust them with basic kitchen tasks, let them own one dish.
When you’re assigning jobs, it can help to frame it not as: ‘You have to help because I’m overwhelmed,’ but as:‘You’re such an important part of making the day work. This is your bit of the Christmas magic.’
It won’t always go smoothly. Someone will get distracted. Someone will complain. That’s OK. You’re planting the seeds of shared responsibility.”
Finally, let’s look at that transition from Christmas into the rest of the holidays.
Often, Christmas isn’t the finish line – it’s the starting gun. You’ve got this big emotional high, a late night, new toys, sugar, relatives… and then suddenly it’s just you, the kids, and a long stretch of hot days.
There can be a bit of a crash:• Toys everywhere.• Everyone a bit overtired and overstimulated.• Parents trying to catch up on work or life admin.• Kids not sure what to do with themselves.
This is where a gentle holiday rhythm can be a lifesaver.
I’m not talking about a colour-coded schedule. I’m talking about a loose shape for your days.
For example:• Mornings: slower, quieter – reading, Lego, drawing, board games.• Afternoons: more active – park, sprinklers in the garden, scooter ride, beach.• Evenings: simple dinners, connection, early-ish nights after busy days.
You might also use something like:‘One thing out of the house, one thing at home,’so you’re not constantly driving around, but you also don’t feel trapped.
When things inevitably go off track – and they will – you can have a simple reset ritual:• Everyone drinks some water.• Three slow breaths together.• A quick check-in: ‘What do we need right now? Food? Space? A cuddle? A silly dance?’
If you’d like more support with planning those holidays, I’ve turned my Calm Summer Blueprint into an on-demand Calm School Holidays Blueprint masterclass.
In that session, we dive into:• Reducing overwhelm – for you and your kids.• Managing sibling conflict and those repetitive ‘I’m bored’ moments.• Creating a holiday rhythm that actually suits your real life.• And how to bring the day back on track when it all goes pear-shaped.
You’ll also get a printable Calm School Holiday Blueprint Workbook to map it all out.
You can find all the details and grab instant access at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au/school-holidays-masterclass – and I’ll pop that link in the show notes as well if that’s easier. It’s there to support you to set yourself up for a calmer, more connected holiday stretch.”
Bringing it all together + your small shift
“As we wrap up (no pun intended), I just want to bring it back to you.
You do not need to deliver a flawless Christmas Day.
You don’t need to:
Keep every child happy at every moment.
Make everyone’s favourite dish perfectly.
Manage every family dynamic with grace.
Love every single minute.
You are allowed to have mixed feelings. You are allowed to feel tired, or sad, or overstimulated. And you are still a good parent.
What your child needs most is not a perfect day – it’s a parent who keeps coming back to connection.
That might look like:
Saying, ‘I’m really sorry I snapped before. That was about me feeling overwhelmed, not about you.’
Choosing to sit on the floor for five minutes and play with their new toy instead of doing one more job.
Letting go of one expectation you were holding onto because you thought you ‘should’ – and choosing something that actually feels kind to your nervous system.”
[Small Shift for Big Impact]
“Your ‘Small Shift for Big Impact’ this week is this:
Choose one way you’re going to make Christmas kinder on your nervous system.
Just one.
It might be:
Printing out the free Christmas Planner and crossing a few things off your list.
Deciding now that you’re not going to worry about how much chocolate your child eats on that one day, and you’ll focus on water, connection, and an early night instead.
Telling your partner or a trusted family member: ‘I’m going to need a ten-minute breather at some point – can you be on kid-duty when I say I’m stepping out?’
Or simplifying the plan – saying no to one extra event or choosing to do Christmas lunch instead of lunch and dinner.
Whatever you choose, let it be small, realistic, and anchored in the belief that you matter too.”
Outro and invitations
“If you’d like some extra support to plan your Christmas in a way that works for your family, don’t forget to download your free Christmas Planner – the link is in the show notes. Print it out, scribble on it, hand bits of it to your partner – let it carry some of that load for you.
And if you’re already thinking ahead to the rest of the school holidays and you’d love some calm, practical ideas, you can also find the link to the Calm School Holidays Blueprint masterclass in the show notes.
If this episode has been helpful, I’d be so grateful if you could share it with a friend who might be feeling the pressure of Christmas this year. Sometimes just knowing we’re not the only ones struggling makes such a difference.
“And before we wrap up, a little heads-up about what’s coming next.
I’m going to be taking a short break from releasing new podcast episodes over the summer while the kids are on school holidays. I’ll be back with fresh episodes once they’re back at school in February (and I can actually record without them making noise in the background.
In the meantime, I’m running a Calm Summer Series over on my social media, where I’ll be sharing a previous podcast episode every single day in January.
You can follow along on Instagram and Facebook and just click through to the episode I’m featuring. Think of it as a little curated playlist to keep you company through the summer – you don’t have to scroll and search; I’ll point you to something helpful each day. Even if you’ve listened to some of those episodes before, you might notice something you missed the first time or hear a tip that lands differently now that you’re in a new season of parenting.
So, make sure you’re following along on socials, and if you haven’t already, hit subscribe or follow on this podcast so you’ll know when new episodes drop again in February.”
Thank you for spending this time with me. However, your Christmas looks this year – big, small, messy, beautiful, or all of the above – I’m sending you a lot of compassion.
You’re doing a beautiful job, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
I’m Nina, this is ‘Your Calm Parenting Path’, and I’ll chat to you again soon.”
Outro
Thanks for listening to Your Calm Parenting Path! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey.
If you’d like to dive deeper, sign up for my mailing list at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights, or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.
I look forward to speaking with you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.
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