When a child experiences intense fear and anxiety, it can be overwhelming for both them and their parents.
Many children, particularly those with generalised anxiety, struggle with situations where they feel out of control or uncertain about what’s going to happen.
As a parent, it’s natural to want to comfort and calm them, but when their reaction is extreme—like screaming, resisting, or expressing anger—it can be hard to know what to do.
If your child, like the one in the scenario above, struggles with medical procedures, unexpected changes, or moments where they lack control, here are some strategies to help support them in the moment and build resilience over time.
1. Prepare and Preview
Uncertainty can heighten anxiety, so providing information about what’s coming can help. However, how you present this information matters.
Use simple, honest explanations: Avoid overwhelming them with too many details but give enough information to reduce uncertainty. “The nurse will clean your arm, then a tiny pinch, and it will be over.”
Use visual schedules or social stories: For children who process information better through visuals, a step-by-step guide (drawn out or using pictures) can be helpful.
Practice through play: Role-playing the situation beforehand with dolls or stuffed animals can make it feel more familiar and less intimidating.
2. Help Them Co-Regulate
A child in distress needs a calm and grounded adult to help them regulate their emotions. If they sense fear or frustration from you, their anxiety may escalate.
Regulate your own emotions first: Take a deep breath and stay as calm as possible.
Use a steady, low, and reassuring voice: Speak slowly and gently, even if they are screaming.
Offer a soothing touch (if they allow it): Placing a hand on their back or gently holding their hand can provide comfort. My son likes to have his back scratched in these moments.
3. Teach and Use Coping Strategies in the Moment
Once your child is in a heightened state, logic alone won’t work. Instead, focus on body-based strategies to help them feel safe.
Breathing exercises: Practice ahead of time and remind them to breathe through an anxiety episode. “Let’s breathe in for four, hold for four, and out for four.”
Grounding techniques: Help them engage their senses to anchor themselves in the present. Ask them to name:
5 things they can see
4 things they can touch
3 things they can hear
2 things they can smell
1 thing they can taste
Movement-based strategies: Encourage them to shake their hands, jump, or do a butterfly hug (crossing arms and tapping shoulders).
4. Validate Their Feelings Without Reinforcing Fear
It’s important to acknowledge their emotions without reinforcing the idea that the situation is dangerous.
Validate: “I can see you’re really scared. It’s okay to feel nervous.”
Normalise: “Lots of people feel worried about blood tests. You’re not alone.”
Empower: “Your body is strong, and you can do this. Let’s focus on what will help.”
5. Give Them a Sense of Control
Anxiety often stems from feeling powerless. Offering choices can help them feel more in control.
“Do you want to sit on my lap or in the chair by yourself?”
“Would you like to watch a video or squeeze my hand?”
“Should we count to three, or would you rather close your eyes and breathe?”
6. Practice Exposure in Small Steps
Avoidance can reinforce fear. Gradual exposure to anxiety-provoking situations in a low-stress way can help de-sensitise your child over time.
Talk about the event in a calm moment: “Remember when you got your stitch removed? What helped? What can we try next time?”
Use low-pressure exposure: For example, visiting the doctor’s office just to sit in the waiting room without a procedure.
Celebrate small wins: Even if they still struggled, acknowledge their efforts: “You did a great job sitting in the chair.”
7. Seek Professional Support When Needed
If your child has been diagnosed with generalised anxiety, working with a counsellor or therapist can be incredibly beneficial. A professional can help develop personalised coping strategies and support long-term resilience.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety in children can be intense, but with preparation, co-regulation, and practical strategies, you can help your child navigate their fears more effectively. It’s not about eliminating anxiety altogether but teaching them that they can face challenging situations with support and confidence. Be patient with the process—it takes time, but with consistency, your child can learn to manage their reactions and build resilience for the future.
About Me
Hi, I'm Nina, mum to three loud little boys. I'm also a certified Mindful Parenting Coach and Head and Heart Mindfulness Instructor.
I can totally appreciate how tough parenting is - two years ago, I was a struggling mama who was feeling run down, exhausted and fed up with this 'mum life'.
I began my mindfulness journey when my youngest was born, almost 3 years ago. I went from being stressed out, overwhelmed and quick to anger, to being cool, calm and connected to my kids.
I love being able to share mindfulness with my boys, teaching them the skills to be able to regulate their emotions (like I have done) has to be one of the most satisfying lessons to pass on to them.
I personally read all my emails (I don’t get someone else to read them for me) so I'd love to hear from you if this blog resonated with you? Are you excited to try adding some mindfulness into your day?
Shoot me an email at Nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au and let me know how you're going or what you are struggling with.
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