Ep13. Are You Really Listening to Your Child? Part 2: How to Be a Better Listener

Alternatively, listen on Spotify or Apple.

This episode is the second half of our two-part series on listening. In Part 1, we explored the common roadblocks that stop real connection. Now, in Part 2, we take a practical, compassionate look at what to do instead. You’ll learn four simple but powerful steps to become a more present, empathic listener - no matter how tired, stressed, or distracted you feel.

You’ll Learn

• The four steps of mindful listening (based on Parent Effectiveness Training)

• How to hear the feelings beneath your child’s words

• Why reflecting feelings matters more than fixing the problem

• What empathy really looks like in everyday parenting

• How to repair when you get it wrong (because we all do!)

• Real-life examples, including a personal story from Nina about a tricky bedtime moment with her son

Why This Episode Matters

Listening is the foundation of connection - and connection is what helps our kids feel safe, seen, and supported. When we practice mindful listening, we nurture emotional intelligence and build a stronger relationship with our children. This episode shows you exactly how to listen to your child in real life, not just in theory.

Take Home Action

Pick one moment this week where you pause, tune in, and practice the four steps:

1. Pay attention mindfully

2. Hear the facts and the feelings

3. Feed back your understanding

4. Express empathy

Notice what shifts for you and your child. No pressure to get it perfect - just practice.

Take the Next Step

Want to dive deeper into these skills or get support for your unique family situation?🧡 Book an SOS Parenting Support Call and use code SOSPATH for 50% off.

🧡 Learn more about Parent Effectiveness Training

Links and Resources Mentioned

• Episode 12: Are You Really Listening? (Part 1)

• Parent Effectiveness Training (PET)

• SOS Parenting Support Calls (Code: SOSPATH for 50% off)

Let’s Connect

• Follow Nina on Instagram

• Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au

• Email: nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au

About the Host:

Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and mum of three boys, passionate about helping overwhelmed parents create calmer, more connected relationships with their children. Through practical tools, compassionate support, and a whole lot of real talk, she helps families ditch the yelling and start feeling good about parenting again.

Transcript

This transcript has been copied and pasted but not proofread or edited, so it may contain errors or inaccuracies.

You're listening to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum, here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids.

This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Because small shifts make a big impact—and you can build the parenting life you’ve always wanted.

If you want to see what I’m up to, follow me on Instagram at [your handle]. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Now, let’s get started!

 

Welcome back to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m so glad you’re here.

Today, we’re diving into part two of our listening series. If you haven’t listened to Episode 12 yet,

I’d definitely recommend you go back and check it out. In that episode, we talked about the roadblocks that get in the way of listening—the sneaky ways we unintentionally shut down communication. Things like ordering, advising, or dismissing.

So if you missed it, pause here, go back and have a listen, and then come back to this episode. It’ll give you a really solid foundation.

But today, we’re going to talk about how to listen differently. How to listen mindfully, with empathy, and in a way that helps our kids feel truly heard. And this is so much more than just sitting quietly while they talk. It’s an active, intentional process.

I also want to share a personal story about Kosta later in the episode—how I had to practise these steps in a tricky bedtime moment. So, listen out for that.

 Let’s get into it.

I want to share with you four steps that I use in my own parenting, and they’re grounded in the principles of Parent Effectiveness Training, or PET for short. If you’re not familiar with PET, it’s an approach developed by Dr Thomas Gordon that teaches parents how to communicate effectively with their kids—without yelling, bribes, or punishments. And one of the core skills is active listening.

Today, we’ll be using the same two scenarios we talked about in Episode 12 to explore these steps. The first is when your child says, “No one played with me at recess.” And the second is when siblings are arguing over a toy. We’ll keep referring back to these examples as we walk through the steps.

So here are the four steps I’d love you to try.

Step 1: Pay Attention Mindfully.

This is about showing up. Not half-listening while you’re cooking dinner, not nodding while scrolling your phone. It means putting down what you’re doing, making eye contact if that feels comfortable for your child, and giving them your full presence.

And I get it—this is hard. We’re juggling so much. Sometimes it’s about doing what you can in the moment. If you really can’t stop what you’re doing, you can say, "I really want to hear what you’re saying. Can I finish this and then come and listen properly?" That’s mindful, too. It’s about being honest and showing you value their words.

Step 2: Hear the Facts and the Feelings.

Let’s take the example from last episode. Your child says, "No one played with me at recess." The fact is, they were alone at recess. But underneath that, there are often feelings—maybe sadness, loneliness, embarrassment, or even shame. Or imagine your kids are fighting over a toy. One’s yelling, “It’s mine!” and the other’s shouting, “No, I had it first!” The facts are about the toy, but the feelings? Frustration, disappointment, maybe a sense of unfairness.

It’s easy to get caught up in the surface details or try to fix the situation. But when we pause and tune in, we can start to hear the feelings that need to be seen and heard.

Step 3: Feed Back Your Understanding.

This is where you say out loud what you’re hearing. You’re not fixing. You’re not offering advice. You’re simply showing that you get it.

For example, when your child says, “No one played with me at recess,” you might say, “That sounds really hard—you felt left out and lonely today.” Or when the kids are fighting over a toy, you might say, “You both really wanted to play with that, and it feels unfair when you don’t get a turn.”

This is what PET calls reflective listening. It’s a way of holding up a mirror so your child can hear that you really get what they’re feeling. It doesn’t mean you agree with every detail, but it tells them: “I see you. I hear you. You matter.”

And here’s the thing—sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we might reflect back something and our child might correct us. That’s okay! In fact, that’s part of the process. If you say, “You’re feeling lonely,” and they say, “No, I’m actually mad,” that’s helpful information. It helps you get clearer on what’s really going on for them. It’s all part of building trust and connection.

Step 4: Express Empathy.

Empathy is about letting your child know you understand how they feel. It’s not about agreeing with the behaviour—it’s about connecting to the emotion.

For example, when your child says, “No one played with me at recess,” empathy might sound like: “That must have been such a lonely feeling for you today. I can imagine how hard that must have felt.” Or when they’re fighting over a toy: “It’s so frustrating when you both want the same thing and it feels like no one’s listening.” Or even a simple, “This is really hard for you, isn’t it? I’m here.”

It’s these little moments of validation that build trust. Empathy says, “I get it. I care. You’re not alone.”

And here’s the beautiful thing: when we listen like this, we’re not just helping our kids feel heard. We’re also helping them build emotional intelligence. We’re teaching them that feelings are okay, that it’s safe to express them, and that they matter.

NOW is the time for me to share the story about my boy. I had to really practise these steps in a tricky bedtime moment, and it helped shift everything.

In a moment, I’m going to share a personal story about one of my boys, and a tricky parenting challenge  where I had to really practice listening differently, and how it helped shift everything in a tricky night time moment.

 But before we get into my story, let’s pause for a moment and talk about why listening can feel so hard sometimes.

Let’s be honest—sometimes we don’t listen well because we’re human. We’re tired, we’re distracted, we’re juggling a million things. Or we’re triggered—maybe our child’s problem reminds us of something we struggled with, or it feels like they’re complaining about something we think they should just deal with. And in those moments, it’s so easy to slip into problem-solving mode or dismiss the feeling.

So I want to ask you: What makes it hard for you to listen to your child sometimes? What feelings come up in those moments? Just take a moment to reflect. Awareness is the first step to change.

And when we do find ourselves in the messy moments—when we’re tired, busy, or stressed—what can we do? Well, here are a few simple strategies to help you stay connected even when it’s hard. Pause for a breath before you respond.

Slow down just for a moment. And when your child says something, try a simple listening phrase like, “Tell me more…” or “That sounds really hard…” Remember, you don’t have to fix it—you’re simply holding space.

These small shifts can make a big difference, even in the busiest days.

Back to my story about my boy….

So here’s your take-home action for this week: I’d love you to pick one moment—just one—where you pause, tune in, and practise the four steps of mindful listening. Pay attention mindfully, hear the facts and the feelings, feed back your understanding, and express empathy.

Notice how it feels for you and for your child. What changes? What do you learn? Remember, this is a practice. It’s not about getting it perfect every time—it’s about showing up, learning, and growing together.

If you’d like to learn more about Parent Effectiveness Training and how it can transform your parenting, visit my website at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au. There, you’ll find more resources, and you can also book a call with me if you’d like to chat about how PET might help you and your family.

And of course, I’d love to hear how it goes when you try these listening steps this week. Send me a message on Instagram, or book an SOS Parenting Support Call if you’d like some extra support – don’t forget that as a listener of the podcast you can get 50% off the cost of an SOS call by entering the code SOSPATH on check out..

Thanks for being here. I’ll see you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.

Thanks for listening to Your Calm Parenting Path! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey.

If you’d like to dive deeper, sign up for my mailing list at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights, or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

I look forward to speaking with you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.