Ep20. What If You Could Let Go of Mum Guilt? with Dr Camille Guillerey
- Nina Visic
- Sep 3
- 17 min read
Mum guilt can feel like an endless tug-of-war: no matter what choice you make, it seems you’re letting someone down. In this conversation with Dr Camille Guillerey, we unpack why guilt is so common for mums, how negative self-talk feeds the cycle, and what you can do to shift into a more compassionate, balanced mindset.
You’ll Learn:
Why mum guilt and self-talk are so deeply connected
The difference between healthy guilt and harmful shame
How gender norms and societal expectations fuel guilt
Simple strategies for separating your behaviour from your worth
A powerful mantra you can use in tough parenting moments
One small language shift that turns “shoulds” into choice.
Why This Episode Matters
Guilt can sometimes be helpful - it prompts repair when we’ve done something wrong.
But most of the guilt mums carry isn’t about mistakes at all; it’s about trying to live up to impossible standards.
This episode helps you see the difference and gives you tools to step away from shame and into a more grounded, joyful way of parenting.
Take Home Action
Catch yourself when you say “should.” Replace it with “could” or “want.” This one-word shift lightens the load of expectation and allows space for choice.
Take the Next Step
If mum guilt and negative self-talk are weighing you down, support is available. Dr Camille Guillerey offers Wellness for Busy Mums coaching to help women step out of survival mode and create more balance, joy, and intentional living.
And if you’re looking for personalised guidance in your parenting, Nina’s 1:1 Mindful Parenting Coaching can help you shift from overwhelm to calm, confident connection with your kids. Together, you’ll explore your specific challenges and create practical strategies that work in real life.
Links and Resources
Connect with Dr Camille Guillerey on Instagram
Related episodes:
Let’s Connect
Follow Nina on Instagram
Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au
About the Hosts
Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and mum of three energetic boys. She knows firsthand how heavy mum guilt can feel, and how quickly harsh self-talk can spiral in the middle of family life.
Through her own journey, she’s discovered that calm parenting isn’t about perfection - it’s about awareness, compassion, and small shifts that make a big difference.
Her coaching, workshops, and podcast, Your Calm Parenting Path, are designed to help parents move from overwhelm and reactivity to confidence and connection. She draws on her training in Mindful Parenting, Head & Heart Mindfulness, and Parent Effectiveness Training, combined with her lived experience of parenting, to provide practical tools that actually work in the messiness of daily life.
For Nina, episodes like this one on mum guilt and self-talk are especially close to her heart. She’s walked that path - wondering if she’s doing enough, battling the “shoulds,” and learning to offer herself the same kindness she offers her children. Her mission is to support other parents to let go of guilt, embrace gentler self-talk, and build the parenting life they’ve always wanted.
Dr Camille Guillerey is a wellness and mindset coach for working mums and founder of Wellness for Busy Mums.
Before moving into coaching, Camille worked as a researcher in cancer immunology, navigating the pressures of a demanding academic career while raising her daughter. This firsthand experience of trying to “do it all” led her to realise the importance of balance, boundaries, and self-compassion.
Her personal journey through psychotherapy was transformative, giving her the insight and tools to break cycles she didn’t want to pass on to her own child. Today, she supports mothers in creating lives that feel intentional and joyful - without the constant weight of guilt. Camille is passionate about helping mums shift their self-talk, release the “shoulds,” and embrace kinder, more sustainable ways of living.
Through her coaching, Camille empowers women to stop running on empty and start finding balance that works for them - so they can pursue their ambitions while being present with their families. For her, the work isn’t just about wellness; it’s about redefining motherhood in a way that honours both personal fulfilment and family connection.
Transcript
This transcript was created using Headliner. It has been copied and pasted but not proofread or edited, so it may contain errors or inaccuracies.
Nina: You're listening to your calm parenting path. I'm your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum. M here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids. This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Pick because small shifts make a big impact and you can build the parenting life you've always wanted. If you want to see what I'm up to, follow me on Instagram mindful parenting lifestyle. And don't forget to hit, follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. Let's get started. Welcome back to your calm parenting path. Today I'm joined by a truly inspiring guest, Dr. Camille Guillerey, a wellness and mindset coach for working mums and founder of Wellness for Busy months. Before coaching, Camille worked as a cancer immunology researcher. So she knows firsthand what it's like to juggle a demanding career with family life. She now helps mothers shift out of survival mode and into a life that feels balanced, intentional, and joyful. In this episode, we're going to unpack two big top mum guilt, why it shows up and how to navigate it and self talk the voice in our head that can either tear us down or lift us up. If you've ever told yourself you're not doing enough or felt torn between work and motherhood, then this conversation is for you. Camille, welcome to the show.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Thank you so much, Nina, for having me.
Nina: Very excited to have this conversation.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, me too.
Nina: Can you tell us a bit more about yourself and your journey from working in medical research to becoming a wellness coach for mums?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, sure. So, yeah, as you mentioned, I started my career as a scientist. So my job was to basically understand how our immune system fights against cancer. Wow. And that was fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. But not everything at my workplace was about science. So I was academic researcher, and academia is a very competitive environment. And this didn't align well with some of my core values.
Nina: Okay.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Such as fairness and kindness. M And, uh, yeah, that's basically why I needed to make a change. And so I was very drawn to psychology and this for many different reasons. But the main driver was because of my personal experience with psychotherapy.
Nina: Okay.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So I did my own psychotherapy just when my child came into the world, so just when becoming a mom. And so, yeah, that's this transition to motherhood that has really been transformative for me because I guess my child was my main motivation to seek help because I wanted to. To work on myself, to not repeat Patterns, uh, on the way I've been raised.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I didn not want to repeat the same thing with my daughter, so I knew that I needed to, um, unpack this. And actually the work that I did in psychotherapy, it had a much deeper impact than what I was expecting. It just transformed my life. It really changed my life. Wow.
Nina: Yes.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So, yeah, that's. That was, uh. I mean, I'm still seeing my psychotherapist. Just.
Nina: Good.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I'm still see, uh, like once a month. And because it completely transforms the way I see myself, the way I interact with others, like all my relationships. So not just with my daughter, but also romantic relationships and probably the, uh, reason why I left academia, also because I came to understand myself better.
Nina: Fantastic.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So, yeah, so that's probably what drove me to now be passionate about, like, giving these to others and helping others gain similar insights.
Nina: So, yeah, you saw the benefits that it can have. Amazing. Amazing. So let's talk about mum guilt. Why do you think it's such a universal experience for modern mothers?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yes. That's a big thing in modern motherhood. I mean, there are many reasons, but for me, the, uh, principal reason is societal expectation.
Nina: Right.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: And the unrealistic standards that we have for mothers and all the messages that we hear about what a good mom, um, should be. And. Yeah, this is not achievable. This is not feasible.
Nina: Where do you think those messages are coming from?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I'm a big advocate of looking at the gender norms and challenging them.
Nina: Yep.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So there are these gender norms. I mean, if you look at traditional family, when, uh, the mom, um, was the one taking care of the household,
00:05:00
Dr. Camille Guillerey: caring for the kids, and then the man was bringing the money. Now we are. That's wonderful that we are in a society where we can choose to have a career, but then the thing that we try to do it all.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: And we can't. I mean, we can, but we need to find us, uh, kind of a compromise. We have to compromise.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: To some extent. We can't be 100% taking care of the household and 100% at work if we don't have someone helping. And the thing that we take on a lot of the household responsibilities or the caring for the kids, the emotional labour for the kids. We take it on ourselves, uh, as, uh, it's the primary role of the mother. We have this idea that, yeah. That the good mommmy is the one that should be there. And it's changing. I mean, it's like stereotypes. It's changing, but it's putting a lot of Pressure on ourselves and much more pressure on the way we take our kids than what's happening for Faza. Mhm.
Nina: So we feel like we need to be the career mum. We need to have, you know, bring some money and have that kind of fulfilment. Plus take care of the physical side of running the household and then the mental side of raising kids and being able to nurture them emotionally as well as physically, as well as manage the house as well as have a job. And all these things that come together, which back in the old days in inverted commas, there wasn't as much pressure to do all those things.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't know why I was not there in the allle day. So probably they had other issues.
Nina: They probably did.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: But there is also, you know, even moms are not working and who don't want to work. Like they're happy to be at home because of these societal messages that actually you don't feel like you're violent. Yeah, I'm not saying that's the case but I'm just saying like the messages that can run into their head like they are not very part of society because they are not having a job and not bringing money. So it's like no matter what we do and then if you go to work and if you're completely involved in your careers, then you're letting down your kids. So no matter the choice, you can't win. Like you can't win. So that's why it's unrealistic standards is that we hold ourselves up to something that is not achievable. So yeah, we will fall short. Mhm.
Nina: Definitely. And that thing that you, you can't win no matter what you do I think is really important to kind of know and to understand.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, yeah.
Nina: So how does guilt tend to show up in your clients lives or in your own life? How does this guilt show itself so.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: In many different forms. But I think like as we said, like there is a guilt of always letting someone down. So if you um, choose to be at work, you're letting your family down. If you choose to spend mor time like at home and let's say you just decline on after our meeting. You protect your family time. Yes. But your colleagues, they won't be happy. So it's this idea that yeah, we can't please everyone and even sometimes people completely understand but we still feel guilty.
Nina: Yeah. We don't listen to them saying that they understand. We just assume they're lying or they're just saying that because I think they have to say it. Yeah, that's true.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. So sometimes people support us but we're still feeling this guilt. And actually this come up because this bring me to the division of labour at home. I also see that it's kind of interesting.
Nina: Okay.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Because for some of my clients, like their partner, uh, would be more than happy to take a larger load of the housework. They really want to share that. And sometimes, um, it's difficult for them to let go. And it's difficult to let go because this will go against the gender norms and there is a guilt of going against its gender norms and it's not always conscious. Hm. Like it could be just the, the time like we tell ourselves, like, but I'm the mom, I should be the one doing that. I'm the mum.
Nina: Yeah. I should know this. Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. But the dad can do it too.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: But we're just like this idea that the momm should be the one doing this. And even if consciously we want a shared separation and like everything fair. Yeah. Unconscious biases play a role.
Nina: Yeah. Plays a big part. Do you think there's a difference between a healthy guilt that helps us reflect and then guilt that becomes harmful or paralysing?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yes. M. Yes. So that's a really good question. So guilt, I mean every emotion have a function. And so the guilt is useful because it signals that we are going against our moral standards. M. So it signals that we need to adjust our behaviour.
Nina: Right.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Usually. So for instance, AV held at my kid,
00:10:00
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I feel guilty. I'mn to apologise.
Nina: Right.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: And that's useful because it just drives repair. Perfect. The problem is that as we said, most of the time the guilt that comes, uh, for mothers nowadays, it's not because they've done something wrong, they really done anything wrong. It'just because they try to achieve the inachievable. So it's not the right signal.
Nina: They try to achieve the unachievable. That's such a powerful quote.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. So that's not the right signal. Mhm.
Nina: Mmm.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I wanted to go back to the paralysing because I think that there is also a distinction between guilt and shame.
Nina: Yes, 100%.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So guilt is when we feel bad about our behaviour.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. Our action was not right and we just feel guilty for that. Yeah. So it could be like, yeah, I've um, yelled at my kid, but I'm still a good mother. Healing was not the best approach. That really didn't solve the issue and that not. That's not how I want to be But I'm still a good mother.
Nina: Yes.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Whereas if I tell myself like I'YELLED I'm a terrible mother. Uh, why can't I stop yelling like I'm such a bad person. It's just dreading down on shame is really looking at who we are at the core. And so this is really attacking our self esteem and this is paralysing because if we don't feel good about ourselves we actually can take action to repair. Like it's much more difficult to take the right action when we feel really bad about who we are.
Nina: And it also turns into a self perpetuating cycle doesn't it?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah.
Nina: So you feel the shame and then the next time you repeat the behaviour because it's constantly thinking about it in your mind.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah.
Nina: And you can't seem to get out of that rut to change what's happening.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. This idea that'it's just who I am and that's just how I'm going to react.
Nina: So what tips do you have for people that are in that position where they keep talking to themselves? This is where we come to the next part of this chat about self talk. What's a tip for someone to get out of that negative self talk?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So I mean if you are in this specific situation when you're telling yourself like you're re blaming yourself, it's noticing this, notice this and then really acknowledging that your behaviour is different from who you are. Like you can make mistakes, you can do things the wrong way, you can lose your temper. You, you're human.
Nina: Yes.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: You're not a robot. So you will just mess up sometimes and that's part of being human. And, and it's just acknowledging this and saying well yeah, I'm not really proud of how I behaved. U um, but this doesn't define me as a person. So really like separating. Yeah. Separating self and behaviour. Yeah. For ah shifting the self talk. If it's a um, recurrent thing it's really awareness like m whaticing the thoughts just bringing awareness to when the thoughts come up. That should help. But also uh, you can diffuse the thought with a mantra.
Nina: Yep.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: In our case like could be just well I made a mistake, everybody makes mistakes and that's it.
Nina: Yep. I like to say I don't have to be perfect. That's one of my go to's.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, that's a good.
Nina: I don't have to be perfect and just repeating it over and over. Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Mhm. Yeah that's a really good one.
Nina: Self talk is so important the way that we talk to ourselves in these situations. Why is there such a critical piece of the puzzle when it comes to our well being?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So in cognitive behavioural therapy or cbt, there is this concept that thoughts, feelings and behaviour, they are all intertwined, they all interact with each other.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So your thoughts, it's gonna be your self talk, it's gonna be what you're telling to yourself and repeat in your head. So if those thoughts are negative, you're going toa be prone to negative emotions, then you're going to be much less motivated to take the actions that you need to improve your life. So it just goes in circle.
Nina: Ye so can you share a personal example of a time when shifting your self talk made a difference in how you handled a tough moment?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yes. I mean we'talking about the time when I yell. Yell a lot. Yeah. And this is really not what I want to be as a mom, but this happens. So there is uh, this mantra from Dr. Becky and Dr. Becky Good inside y and she has a mantra. So first it's for the children. If the children just behave in a way that is not, it's not the best way we
00:15:00
Dr. Camille Guillory: can tell ourselves, oh, they are just a good kid having a hard time. And that's the idea like uh, behind the good insight that they'are re always good kids. Like they're good kids just having a hard time.
Nina: Yes.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: But what I love is that Dr. Becakey also tells us to apply this to ourselves.
Nina: Right.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: And that works like it's like I'm just a good man having a hard time.
Nina: Oh, uh, yeah. What a good shift. Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So that's, yeah. Everything is out of hand and she's just like screaming on the floor and doesn't want to get into the shower and I just don't know what to do. I could tell myself like yeah, why can't I put her in the shower?
Nina: Or you could say why won't she listen to me? You know, and put it back on her as well. Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Why won't she listen to me? Yeah. Why is she so difficult and why am I incarable to get my child in the shower? Um, it's just paing breathing, hand on heart and I'm a good man having.
Nina: A hot time m and taking that time to kind of assess the situation and not needing to fix or to get her in the shower straight away but just taking a few moments for yourself to repeat that mantra so that you're able to approach the situation.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah.
Nina: Um, kindly and calmly to be the best version of yourself. That you can be in that moment.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like giving, uh, a small pause between, uh, preventing me from reacting and allowing me to respond in the right way. Yeah.
Nina: Ah, 100%. Yes. It's one of the big lessons that we learn in mindful parenting that I've mentioned on the podcast before. The power of pausing and being able to speak kindly and calmly. But you're bringing in this extra pacece not just to your child, but speaking those words to yourself. Because reminding yourself that you are a good parent, it's gonna make you act in a more positive way.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah.
Nina: Than beating yourself up and saying, what's wrong with me? Why can't I ever get them to do what I want them to do? That's just gonna make the situation worse. So I really, really love that piece of advice. Thank you. So, as we come to the end of our podcast today, Dr. Camille, I always like to share the idea of small shifts, big impacts that parents can make in their parenting journey. So do you have a small shift that you believe can make a powerful difference for mums, um, who are feeling stuck in either guilt or in this negative self talk?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah. So what I see a lot from mums is, uh, should in the language. Oh. So I don't know if you know this one. So we often tell ourselves, know, while I should spend more time with the kids, I should be more patient. I should cook, uh, better food. I should have the clear house.
Nina: I shouldn't let them watch tv.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: I shouldn't let them watch tv. Yeah. I should be working right now and m not watching Netflix.
Nina: Yeah. So many shs.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: But it's a lot of should. It's a lot of shoot. And it's even like, it's even sh. Like I should be more grateful. I should say no. I should not be a people pleaser. Like even should around the self care stuff.
Nina: Yeah.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So it's another layer. And the thing with the shoot is that it's a, uh, very heavy expectation. M. It's like there is this connotation that first that's something that we really need to do, that it's imperative and we're falling short. We're not doing it. We'not meeting the expectation. And if we think about that, that's most of the time that's not true. Like the should, they are not imperative in reality. So for instance, I mean, I should spend more time with my kid. Well, that would be nice. But if I don't, like, if I need to work until late, it's okay. They are gonna be fine. They're gonna go up well, like, nothing is gonna happen.
Nina: It's okay.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Um, so it's not a shoot. Like, it's not an imperativeative. So the shift is noticing those sh m and replacing them. And so we can replace them with co. Like, I could spend more time with the kids. Or we can also replace them with want if that works better. Like, I want to spend more time with the kids. Um, and this is just to remove this heavy m expectation of the shoot.
Nina: What a small shift and a big difference. Like, I imagine just changing that one word in our, uh, language can make a big difference.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Yeah.
Nina: In how we approach things. I should cook my kids healthy meals every night. I want to, but I don't have to. Tonight we're having nuggets and chips. You know.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Exactly.
Nina: We're having cornflakes. Yeah. I think that's a really great shift. Thank you.
Dr. Camille Guillory: Thank you.
Nina: So, Dr. Camille, if parents want to get in touch with you and maybe work on some of these shoulds or understanding a bit more about mum guilt or get on top of their wellness
00:20:00
Nina: for busy mums, where can they reach you?
Dr. Camille Guillerey: So I'm pretty active on Instagram, so@doami do g or you can also find me on Facebook, Dr. Kami or my website. So it's www.dami.au.
Nina: Excellent. And yeah, I follow Dr. Camille on Instagram and her posts are, uh, really inspiring. And she has some really great tips and tricks in there as well. So we'll finish up there. Dr. Camille, thank you so much for your time. It's been really nice talking to you and I'm really excited to shift this should could want in my dialogue. So I'm really looking forward to doing that. Thank you so much for your time today.
Dr. Camille Guillerey: Thank you so much for having Inina.
Nina: Thanks for listening to your calm parenting path. I am so glad you're here and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey. If you'd like to dive deeper, sign up to my mailing list@mindfulareentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights. Or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don't forget to hit, follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. I look forward to speaking with you next time on your calm parenting path.
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